Green Gambling - My Marriage is in a mess

My Marriage is in a mess - HELP!!!!?

I am the wife of a complusive gambler who spent over 100K in GBP Gambling, that was 3 years ago, he was going to gamblers anonymous for 3 years but has not been for 6 months as he says he no longer needs it and he won't do it again. A month ago he said we are over and he's mixed up about whether or not he wants to be with me. We still live in the same house but have seperate rooms, he is nice to me but cannot pay me off in order for me to sign the house over to him and cannot commit to making a go of it. I am also in debt as a result of trying to enable to live over the past 3 years. I cannot move out until he pays me off. I love him and want the marriage to work but can;t help thinking he is gambling again, his personality has changed, he used to be lovely, now he seems to be living in a dream world where he seems unable to communicate with me about our marriage. Can anyone give me a idea as to what is going on in his head. He says he is not gambling now. Both mid 30's no kids.

Public Comments

dump him!!!
get a divorce
I would say it is time for you to move on..
Its simple, get divorced!
couldn't tell you what is going on inside his head but you can hire an attorney to get a legal separation and force the issue of him moving out until the divorce is final and there is an agreement as to what to do with the house. BTW - if neither of you can afford to buy the other out the court may order you to sell it and split the equity.
My dear, for me, i won't even going to stand for 1 day - a husband who gambled away all his and your property, and bring you into debts ?? No way! Let's end if before it's too late (for you to start another meaningful happy family). Don't consider. Just do it. Don't waste your time (and money!). Don't look back. Even he 'might' change, still don't go back ! You have kids, aren't you lucky. Go ! Do it ! Stop thinking !
sweetie you of all people know and should know whats going on with him. he is GAMBLING AGAIN as you have said. come out of DENIAL. accept and realize that he has a problem that HE is not willing to get help with. and because you love him so much he is going to ruin your life as well as his. suggestion sale the house and cut your loses. if he not willing to get help for the marriage, and his gambling than there is nothing you can do. at this point you need to put your needs and wants first. you two are not on the same page. he cant afford to buy you out, and he probably cant afford to stay. so sale and split the money if any. and let him do want he wants and you find the right man for you. GodBless
sounds like you are trying to get blood from a stone -you will never get paid off and you know it. leave -declare bankruptcy if you have to and rebuild your life- also sell the house pay off the debts and split whatever is left over -the divorce will force this down his throat -remember forget about any payoff his money is for one thing gambling and any equity you think you have in the house may already be gone
For those that answered before me, she said they are MARRIED not dating. I know our society equates the two, but marriage is SUPPOSED to be a commitment. Hence, "Dump Him!" is a retarded answer. On to the problem: Since you focus on the obstacle of buying out and finances more than you do working things out, it looks like you have already made up your mind. If he cannot buy you out and you can't buy him out, start looking for an apartment (or a flat since you sound like you are from GB). Suggest that you two sell the house and just take away the money for your half. If that's not feasible, then seek a loan to buy him out (or tell him to seek the loan). In either case, you need to terminate this. Unless, of course, you find yourself loving the new man he has become... Good luck. Hidden among all those trees blocking your view is an actual forest.
Having an OCD illness (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), can be very traumatising for both the (in this case), the gambler and the partner. Sometimes when people have this illness they think they are cured and will stop any help that has been offered, but unfortunately fall foul and continue to gamble. What is needed is to find out why he gambled in the first place, and what can be done to help him through this transition. Can you imagine being hook to chocolate and working in a chocolate factory, the crave would be tremendous. If you both want help, or if just you, contact Gamblers Anon and ask for help. They will be able to help you understand what is happening and offer you financial advice, and hopefully resolve your debt problems. Don't be frightened of being pressured into paying a debt with the threat of two brain dead thugs at your door, they can help you, and put a stop to any action if any from going ahead until you can work out your finances. It may mean that you loose your house, but hopefully not. Good Luck.
its to bad you have feelings for him still and can't afford to leave it seems to be over he is not interested so its time to let go and move on.
No kids?? good OK it seems like this marriage is not working because of his gambling your in deep debt and you don't talk about loving him or thinking he loves you so I can only assume this marriage is over, you can either do one of this sell the house get a real state and see if it helps if he cant buy you out means he won't be able to pay for the whole house either the house will go in to foreclosure and you both will loose greatly, get a lawyer and explain what is going on it looks like he still gambling so guess what? you both take your loss and sell the house before your credit what is left of it goes down the drain.. Compulsive Gamblers are worst than drug addicts is something like a terrible illness he should have not stopped going to his meetings and by stopping means he is most prone to go back to doing it.. My advice is for you to get out get divorced get a lawyer and a real state and try to sell that house...good luck.
If he's not willing to get help and stay away from it, the only thing you can do is leave. Make sure he doesn't have access to anything with your name on it, take your name off all of the accounts, and get your half of the money. Then go speak to a lawyer to see what you can do to avoid having to pay back the money he owes. If you don't do this soon, you will be screwed really really bad.
you should leave but get a court order, sayin he has to pay you back in a certain amount of time. you shouldnt have to put up with him, but he should pay your money back.